R.I.P. Nicholay
Nicholay, 1987-2107
One word that describes Nicholay: Indescribable.
He was funny, witty, humble and sometimes caring.
He was a good friend, a good son, an alright father and an annoying brother.
He never killed time, but always killed boredom.
He'd save you when you need him and make you die of laughter.
He has touched anyone who has gotten to know him—sometimes inappropriately.
Throughout his lifespan, he achieved many memorable things. Some of his greatest accomplishments are he...
...lived in two countries, but only enjoyed one of them.
...has been in all but five continents.
...has touched anyone who—oh, we already touched on that.
...learned how to draw from his father, and later used that talent to doodle on school desks.
...attended the famous, glamorous and incredible LaGuardia High School.
...graduated from the stupid, retarded and piece of shit LaGuardia High School.
...was accepted into his college of choice without ever mailing in his high school transcript.
...discovered that in an unusual mix-up, the registrar's office in his college received a transcript with a 4.0 GPA that they thought belonged to him. Somewhere in America, a geek was screwed.
...invented the cure for cancer.
...adopted and popularized a new definition of the word "invented": v. - Hasn't contributed a thing to.
...created a drink that combined the pleasures of tobacco, marijuana, crack cocaine, liquor, heroin, ecstasy, angel dust, pain killers, steroids, inhalants, hallucinogens, hashish oil, opium and sex. However, the sin taxes for the drink made it impossible for any smoker, alcoholic, drug addict or nymphomaniac to afford it.
...created a mathematical formula that can solve any problem in the world. In effect, China, Japan and Korea became the world's most powerful countries.
...had and raised four kids; the first two were trial versions.
...lived to the old age of 120.
We will miss you, Nicholay.
Written by Gregory Kogan on Apr 18, 2007